Back from another night in the pool. Feeling a bit blah today but that sure picks me up.
Most nights I really don't have a plan for what I'll write and I just assume something will pop into my head. I think I'm taking full advantage of my three days off however and have completely shut down my brain.
Upshot: I got nothin'...
Things are good... eating healthy: check, exercising: check.
So that's all I've got today. Be forewarned - I don't plan on turning my brain back on til the last possible moment Wednesday so read the next couple of days at yer own risk :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
day thirty
Well... here we are. Officially one month in. Or as the countdown clock on my home page calls it 200 days.
Had a great time doing some good old school exercise today. It was a stunning, shiny day here in Hamilton and as I had the day off I decided to take advantage. There's a new off leash park that's been opened in my neighbourhood so Vito and I set out. It was perhaps a 15 minute walk to get there then it was all dashing and running. He is the funniest guy in the world when it comes to snow and even more so when it's a giant hill covered in snow. Unfortunately there were no other dogs there but that prob'ly worked in my favour as I was left to be the running and dashing (and bounding and climbing) companion. All told we were out for just under 2 hours. Serious fun.
The cooking is coming along better cuz now I just think, "well, give it a try and if it tastes like hell just toss it". Luckily tonight's concoction did not taste like hell so it goes in the repertoire :)
Looking forward to hitting it hard this week ... bring it on !!!
Had a great time doing some good old school exercise today. It was a stunning, shiny day here in Hamilton and as I had the day off I decided to take advantage. There's a new off leash park that's been opened in my neighbourhood so Vito and I set out. It was perhaps a 15 minute walk to get there then it was all dashing and running. He is the funniest guy in the world when it comes to snow and even more so when it's a giant hill covered in snow. Unfortunately there were no other dogs there but that prob'ly worked in my favour as I was left to be the running and dashing (and bounding and climbing) companion. All told we were out for just under 2 hours. Serious fun.
The cooking is coming along better cuz now I just think, "well, give it a try and if it tastes like hell just toss it". Luckily tonight's concoction did not taste like hell so it goes in the repertoire :)
Looking forward to hitting it hard this week ... bring it on !!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
day twentynine
Not much goin' on today... pretty easy peasy.
Downloaded a cool new app for my phone that tracks everything... and I mean everything. Food, water intake, exercise. Pretty cool to have it all at my fingertips. The math on this thing tells me that at my current weight, I should take in 1370/day to lose a pound a week. Well, we'll just see about that :)
Saw Barney's Version tonight and liked it quite well. Paul Giamatti would certainly not be out of place on the Best actor oscar list.
My big upcoming challenge is that I have three days off. It's always harder without the structure of the work day... but here's hopin' :)
Downloaded a cool new app for my phone that tracks everything... and I mean everything. Food, water intake, exercise. Pretty cool to have it all at my fingertips. The math on this thing tells me that at my current weight, I should take in 1370/day to lose a pound a week. Well, we'll just see about that :)
Saw Barney's Version tonight and liked it quite well. Paul Giamatti would certainly not be out of place on the Best actor oscar list.
My big upcoming challenge is that I have three days off. It's always harder without the structure of the work day... but here's hopin' :)
Friday, January 28, 2011
day twentyeight
Hard to believe almost a month has sped by.
If I told you I wasn't slightly disappointed by losing 5 lbs I wouldn't be fibbing. Don't get me wrong... the quality of my life has improved tremendously in the last 28 days. My energy levels and focus are off the charts. Connecting with new friends and especially reconnecting with old ones has been worth the price of admission :) So I'm not complaining about anything here... it's been wicked.
And yet...
There's a tiny part of me that for all the talk of taking it slow, and in it for the long haul feels impatient. I believe the transformation is at work in me every day. I believe that this Jan 28, I'm soooo much better off than I was Dec 28. It's just the physical manifestation of the transformation is taking longer to kick in than I had hoped. Maybe it's the good lord's way of keeping me humble. Some days no amount of support and inspiration from others can cover the fact that this is difficult stuff we're trolling around in. It's hard work and while I don't want to be a "slave to the needle" I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't important.
At the start of the weekend I want to salute all my friends who are slogging through doing their own hard work. Keep on keepin' on, my friends !
If I told you I wasn't slightly disappointed by losing 5 lbs I wouldn't be fibbing. Don't get me wrong... the quality of my life has improved tremendously in the last 28 days. My energy levels and focus are off the charts. Connecting with new friends and especially reconnecting with old ones has been worth the price of admission :) So I'm not complaining about anything here... it's been wicked.
And yet...
There's a tiny part of me that for all the talk of taking it slow, and in it for the long haul feels impatient. I believe the transformation is at work in me every day. I believe that this Jan 28, I'm soooo much better off than I was Dec 28. It's just the physical manifestation of the transformation is taking longer to kick in than I had hoped. Maybe it's the good lord's way of keeping me humble. Some days no amount of support and inspiration from others can cover the fact that this is difficult stuff we're trolling around in. It's hard work and while I don't want to be a "slave to the needle" I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't important.
At the start of the weekend I want to salute all my friends who are slogging through doing their own hard work. Keep on keepin' on, my friends !
Thursday, January 27, 2011
day twentyseven
When I tell people that I go to Aquafit for exercise they smile at me a little indulgently. It's not hot yoga, extreme cycling class or judo kickboxing. It seems to people what grandmas do in order to get some pretend exercise. And there are certainly ladies in the pool who take that approach... they float around on their noodles, chat for 45 minutes and dry off. The Indomitable Sara and I have been attending for about a week now and have attended three different pools : Bennetto, Central and Ryerson. Here's the thing... up until tonight it has been a little bit like everybody thinks it is. It's been challenging but only because the Indomitable Sara and I work it hard. The leaders have been these tiny little things who call out moves and look slightly exasperated at the flotilla of lazies.
All that changed tonight. Tonight at Ryerson we met Brittany. She is the Mightiest of all Mighty Aquafit instructors. This little boot camp martinet almost killed us. Tonight, really for the first time I can look all those people in the face who snicker a bit and say "oh yeah... I DARE you to get in Brittany's pool". It was flippin' awesome!!
FYI... One of the reasons Sara is the Indomitable Sara is because this tough broad went to Aquafit tonight after having a tooth extracted today. I'm gonna tell you... I would have been on my couch moaning in self pity but this kid got in the pool and gutted it out. Looking for inspiration ? Take a look at the person beside you and you'll be surprised what you find :)
All that changed tonight. Tonight at Ryerson we met Brittany. She is the Mightiest of all Mighty Aquafit instructors. This little boot camp martinet almost killed us. Tonight, really for the first time I can look all those people in the face who snicker a bit and say "oh yeah... I DARE you to get in Brittany's pool". It was flippin' awesome!!
FYI... One of the reasons Sara is the Indomitable Sara is because this tough broad went to Aquafit tonight after having a tooth extracted today. I'm gonna tell you... I would have been on my couch moaning in self pity but this kid got in the pool and gutted it out. Looking for inspiration ? Take a look at the person beside you and you'll be surprised what you find :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
day twentysix
Thanks to all for their super tips about the cooking. I plan to try each and every one :)
I want to talk a bit about food today. More specifically my little epiphany about food I had yesterday. I've discussed before that my relationship with food isn't "normal". While it has been my longest relationship it's also been the most dysfunctional. I started to think about that dynamic and realized, " Hey, I wouldn't stay in a disastrously dysfunctional relationship with a guy so how come I put up with it from food?" Next part of the thought: I have imbued food with magical powers. It can relieve my stress, comfort me, cure boredom, heck - cure the common cold, put a man on Mars... who knows. But the thing is... it can't. IT'S JUST FOOD. I have weighted (pun intended) food down with a whack of emotional baggage and honestly... it's just fuel. I certainly don't have deep seeded feelings about gasoline or propane. It's... just... fuel.
Sometimes I feel a bit of a dope that I reach these conclusions that, once reached, are sooo frickin' obvious. But there it is. I think I'm slowly but surely altering my approach to food and this can only lead to a more healthy me.
This being Wednesday and all if you're keeping score at home it's a total of 5 lbs now :)
I want to talk a bit about food today. More specifically my little epiphany about food I had yesterday. I've discussed before that my relationship with food isn't "normal". While it has been my longest relationship it's also been the most dysfunctional. I started to think about that dynamic and realized, " Hey, I wouldn't stay in a disastrously dysfunctional relationship with a guy so how come I put up with it from food?" Next part of the thought: I have imbued food with magical powers. It can relieve my stress, comfort me, cure boredom, heck - cure the common cold, put a man on Mars... who knows. But the thing is... it can't. IT'S JUST FOOD. I have weighted (pun intended) food down with a whack of emotional baggage and honestly... it's just fuel. I certainly don't have deep seeded feelings about gasoline or propane. It's... just... fuel.
Sometimes I feel a bit of a dope that I reach these conclusions that, once reached, are sooo frickin' obvious. But there it is. I think I'm slowly but surely altering my approach to food and this can only lead to a more healthy me.
This being Wednesday and all if you're keeping score at home it's a total of 5 lbs now :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
day twentyfive
Finally back in the land of the (more or less) healthy. I think the green tea and last night's sweat-a-thon went a long way to making me feel better :)
Back in the pool tonight and it was awesome. Little ninja tigger creature who lead tonight focused pretty heavily on arms which is a big target area for me. My leg strength is ridiculous but I'm pretty sure I have short hair cuz I can barely lift a brush. I'm using the kettle bell to get after the same group.
On the food front, I've hit maximum tedium. I'm eating well but boringly. Brad keeps giving me cookbooks in the hope that I'll magically like to cook, so I think I'll set aside some time and just rifle through them. I'm not naturally gifted in the cuisine department so this might be the next obstacle I have to fight through. Maybe if I can start small and try something new even two nights a week that might give me the momentum I need.
Hats off to all of you who feed other people 7 nights a week. Of you, I stand in awe :)
Back in the pool tonight and it was awesome. Little ninja tigger creature who lead tonight focused pretty heavily on arms which is a big target area for me. My leg strength is ridiculous but I'm pretty sure I have short hair cuz I can barely lift a brush. I'm using the kettle bell to get after the same group.
On the food front, I've hit maximum tedium. I'm eating well but boringly. Brad keeps giving me cookbooks in the hope that I'll magically like to cook, so I think I'll set aside some time and just rifle through them. I'm not naturally gifted in the cuisine department so this might be the next obstacle I have to fight through. Maybe if I can start small and try something new even two nights a week that might give me the momentum I need.
Hats off to all of you who feed other people 7 nights a week. Of you, I stand in awe :)
day twentyfour
Day three of feeling like a bucket of crud. or four... I've lost track. My tremendous energy level has dropped below zero and I'm starting to get peeved. I guess I hadn't calculated being sick into this project equation. I'm staying pretty good with the food choices but the exercise has gone to hell in a hand basket. Like so many other things in life I know I just need to ride this wave out and all will be well again. The positive spin I choose here is that these feelings haven't derailed me.
I read a friend's blog who's travelling the same path and tonight she talked about being in control. I think this is a huge issue for alot of us. Right now I'm suffering a bit of a disconnect cuz I don't feel in control of my energy levels but I certainly have more control than I did a month ago. Control vs. willpower. I think the control gives me the willpower, not the other way around. The control gives me the motivation and keeps me on track.
I'm so peeved about being sick I purchased something I've never tried before... green tea. Honestly I NEVER drink tea, but it wasn't too horrifying and I understand it's full of all sorts of goodness. Alright green tea... hook a sister up :)
I read a friend's blog who's travelling the same path and tonight she talked about being in control. I think this is a huge issue for alot of us. Right now I'm suffering a bit of a disconnect cuz I don't feel in control of my energy levels but I certainly have more control than I did a month ago. Control vs. willpower. I think the control gives me the willpower, not the other way around. The control gives me the motivation and keeps me on track.
I'm so peeved about being sick I purchased something I've never tried before... green tea. Honestly I NEVER drink tea, but it wasn't too horrifying and I understand it's full of all sorts of goodness. Alright green tea... hook a sister up :)
Monday, January 24, 2011
day twentythree
Sorry to do this, but if you read yesterday's blog - ditto for today.
The highlight aside from a couple of couch comas was a Sunday night catch up call with a good friend. She's taking her own journey and it's fun to compare notes and feel stoked for the week ahead.
As for that upcoming week I foresee swimmin', healthy grub and trying out my new kettle bell weight... I'll keep ya posted :)
The highlight aside from a couple of couch comas was a Sunday night catch up call with a good friend. She's taking her own journey and it's fun to compare notes and feel stoked for the week ahead.
As for that upcoming week I foresee swimmin', healthy grub and trying out my new kettle bell weight... I'll keep ya posted :)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
day twentytwo
Blah.
I still feel tired and now sick to boot. I honestly have zero to post tonight...
So here goes... I caulked my kitchen sink tonight. Messy, not very attractive but, hey, I did it myself.
I'm attempting to ward off further illness with infusions of tea and clementines - keep a good thought.
Yep... no neurons firing. Continue to fight the good fight my friends... Ima go to sleep
I still feel tired and now sick to boot. I honestly have zero to post tonight...
So here goes... I caulked my kitchen sink tonight. Messy, not very attractive but, hey, I did it myself.
I'm attempting to ward off further illness with infusions of tea and clementines - keep a good thought.
Yep... no neurons firing. Continue to fight the good fight my friends... Ima go to sleep
Friday, January 21, 2011
day twentyone
Oh so astonishingly tired today. Just plain wore out. It's the first day since I've started that I've been dragging and crave an enormous amount of sleep.
The good news for me is that usually I would have come home in this condition, been too tired to cook, opened a bag of chips and totally flaked. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit so here on day 21, I came home and out of habit made myself something healthy if not fancy. Feels pretty good that my default action now seems to be going for something nutritious. And I hardly feel guilty at all that I'm too tired to do the dishes :)
Sleep well, y'all
The good news for me is that usually I would have come home in this condition, been too tired to cook, opened a bag of chips and totally flaked. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit so here on day 21, I came home and out of habit made myself something healthy if not fancy. Feels pretty good that my default action now seems to be going for something nutritious. And I hardly feel guilty at all that I'm too tired to do the dishes :)
Sleep well, y'all
Thursday, January 20, 2011
day twenty
Pretty quiet on the Project front today. I guess that's a thing to learn as well : it's a "routine" not in a negative way but in a Holy Crap look at me workin' it day in and day out kinda way.
Mom returned home tanned and exuberant from her week in Barbados. Talking a mile a minute she wanted to go to her favourite restaurant for dinner. In case you're wondering her favourite restaurant is not the one I run but The Winchester Arms up the street. Now this presented a bit of a challenge to me cuz there's nothing I enjoy more than a big old steak and kidney pie from the Winch. Who am I kidding... any pie from the Winch. Some days I'd be very happy if all food was served in pie form.
Salmon (grilled plain), no potato, double order of veg, water. I'm not going to tell you it tasted better than any pie ever could because that would be a lie. It was, however cooked perfectly and was exactly what I wanted !
When I started the blog, one thing that was important was the aspect of public accountability. Tonight, in that restaurant, with so many supportive friends around me I felt the full weight of that accountability.
Did it help? You bet !
Mom returned home tanned and exuberant from her week in Barbados. Talking a mile a minute she wanted to go to her favourite restaurant for dinner. In case you're wondering her favourite restaurant is not the one I run but The Winchester Arms up the street. Now this presented a bit of a challenge to me cuz there's nothing I enjoy more than a big old steak and kidney pie from the Winch. Who am I kidding... any pie from the Winch. Some days I'd be very happy if all food was served in pie form.
Salmon (grilled plain), no potato, double order of veg, water. I'm not going to tell you it tasted better than any pie ever could because that would be a lie. It was, however cooked perfectly and was exactly what I wanted !
When I started the blog, one thing that was important was the aspect of public accountability. Tonight, in that restaurant, with so many supportive friends around me I felt the full weight of that accountability.
Did it help? You bet !
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
day nineteen
Another good today. Since it's Wednesday that means weigh day. One pound lost this week for a total of four for those of you keeping score at home.
Got my ass handed to me in the pool again. It was easier and harder at the the same time. We knew the moves better (the easier part) so we were actually doing them right and getting the benefit (the harder part). I loves bein' in the pool :)
I saw someone today who I haven't seen in about three weeks. She said, "wow, you look thinner already". I graciously accepted her words and have since had a bit of a think about them. Obviously, rationally... I'm not really any thinner. What I think she saw was me presenting myself like I'm proud to take up space instead of feeling embarrassed that I take up slightly more than my share. So much of how people see us is in the presentation. I don't mean clothes or hairstyle but rather the "hells yes" of the healthy, energetic, "here I am and aren't I fabulous"ness of it all.
Yep, another good today.
Got my ass handed to me in the pool again. It was easier and harder at the the same time. We knew the moves better (the easier part) so we were actually doing them right and getting the benefit (the harder part). I loves bein' in the pool :)
I saw someone today who I haven't seen in about three weeks. She said, "wow, you look thinner already". I graciously accepted her words and have since had a bit of a think about them. Obviously, rationally... I'm not really any thinner. What I think she saw was me presenting myself like I'm proud to take up space instead of feeling embarrassed that I take up slightly more than my share. So much of how people see us is in the presentation. I don't mean clothes or hairstyle but rather the "hells yes" of the healthy, energetic, "here I am and aren't I fabulous"ness of it all.
Yep, another good today.
day eighteen
I found out tonight that many of my staff are talented cooks. I had my first experience with tofu and it was damn tasty... I guess the way it was prepared was tasty :) We had our staff Christmas party tonight and there was an ENORMOUS amount of food. I knew this was going to happen so I made some decisions, pre-party, that I thought might help me out. I figured I wanted to try a bit of everything so I decided not to drink alcohol. Water only. My thinking was to (for lack of a better phrase) "spend" my calories on trying all the dishes. Some of them were pretty harmless : a wonderful cauliflower and garlic bake, chicken curry, shwarma sliders so fabulous. Everything was going according to plan... and then it happened. Nasty store bought cinnamon rolls with crazy gobs of cream cheese icing. I was not tempted in the slightest by lovely homemade chocolate peanut butter squares, chocolate cheesecake bites... none of it. Turns out my kyrptonite for the evening was this cream cheese icing.
Too may were consumed, I feel bad, whatever blah, blah blah. Except, I don't feel so bad. Don't get me wrong, I have a crazy headache over ingesting more sugar in one sitting than I've had in 17 days- but I went out with a plan and stuck to it 95% of the way. I refuse to beat myself up cuz I muffed up a lousy 5%. If I were writing an exam I'd be at the top of the class :) A different me would spend quality time berating myself for having no willpower and "totally blowing it". This me chooses to look at the sucesses and try to build on them.
Too may were consumed, I feel bad, whatever blah, blah blah. Except, I don't feel so bad. Don't get me wrong, I have a crazy headache over ingesting more sugar in one sitting than I've had in 17 days- but I went out with a plan and stuck to it 95% of the way. I refuse to beat myself up cuz I muffed up a lousy 5%. If I were writing an exam I'd be at the top of the class :) A different me would spend quality time berating myself for having no willpower and "totally blowing it". This me chooses to look at the sucesses and try to build on them.
Monday, January 17, 2011
day seventeen
I'm trying to find a cute, witty way to say that the Aquafit class tonight kicked my ass. Unfortunately, I'm so wrung out from said class that I can't do it. Holy Crap... that was hard. Yes, I know I'm ridiculously out of shape but did I have to go prove it? and the little girl who taught it? she was mean... plain mean.
What I can't figure out is why I can't wait to go back ! I'm currently having trouble typing because I feel like my arms were replaced by overcooked spaghetti... but I'm goin' back tomorrow ! I don't imagine I'll ever be one of those people who LOVES exercise, but I do love a sense of accomplishment and boy, I got that in spades tonight. Many kudos to my brave friend Sara who overcame some personal demons (and a cozy couch) to come with me tonight. She rocked it!
Next up: ice skating... which will hopefully lead to a different sort of "exercise" bwah ha ha !!!!
What I can't figure out is why I can't wait to go back ! I'm currently having trouble typing because I feel like my arms were replaced by overcooked spaghetti... but I'm goin' back tomorrow ! I don't imagine I'll ever be one of those people who LOVES exercise, but I do love a sense of accomplishment and boy, I got that in spades tonight. Many kudos to my brave friend Sara who overcame some personal demons (and a cozy couch) to come with me tonight. She rocked it!
Next up: ice skating... which will hopefully lead to a different sort of "exercise" bwah ha ha !!!!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
day sixteen
One of the many unexpected joys of this process is how it has rippled out into other parts of my life. I'm finding that things I was afraid to do even a month ago aren't so scary now. My resolve is strenghtened for this Project every time I find the guts to live my life just a bit differently than usual.
IYADWYADYAGWYAG ... any of you corporately trained kids out there may recognize this but just in case you don't, it stands for :
If You Always Do What You Always Did You'll Always Get What You Always Got
I'm not sure how many shiny young faces I've taught that to but I never integrated it into my own behaviour. Holy Crap... turns out it's true. A small change over here can totally effect how you deal with what's goin' on over there.
Soon I might get back to writing about food or weight loss or something like that, but I figure this blog is gonna go how it's gonna go ! I thought I'd be thinking about, obsessing over, pining for foods that I've given the bum's rush to but so far... nope, not a bit of it :)
For all the girls on the journey (you know who you are) Keep it up and have a crazy good week !!!
P.S. Bit of housekeeping... changed my settings so hopefully it will be easier to comment now (I'm looking at you Sara :) )
IYADWYADYAGWYAG ... any of you corporately trained kids out there may recognize this but just in case you don't, it stands for :
If You Always Do What You Always Did You'll Always Get What You Always Got
I'm not sure how many shiny young faces I've taught that to but I never integrated it into my own behaviour. Holy Crap... turns out it's true. A small change over here can totally effect how you deal with what's goin' on over there.
Soon I might get back to writing about food or weight loss or something like that, but I figure this blog is gonna go how it's gonna go ! I thought I'd be thinking about, obsessing over, pining for foods that I've given the bum's rush to but so far... nope, not a bit of it :)
For all the girls on the journey (you know who you are) Keep it up and have a crazy good week !!!
P.S. Bit of housekeeping... changed my settings so hopefully it will be easier to comment now (I'm looking at you Sara :) )
day fifteen
Two weeks in, really?
Had the greatest evening with my friend Sara tonight. All you skinny people have not lived until you heard two phat girls alone in a room dishin' on the ins and outs of this process. Laughin', cryin', cussin', sighin', shoutin'... sometimes all in the same sentence.
The good news is I have co-opted Sara as my swimming buddy. We start on Mon at Bennetto and we have the whole week covered. I'm pretty proud cuz I wasn't thinking I'd make it to the exercise portion of the program til February. Turns out all this crazy energy I have from eating properly needs an outlet.
As some of you may know, I'm not a very good cook, but I'm trying real hard to stick to it. I'm even learning to be slightly adventurous. Some hits, some... not so much. A word to the wise... just cuz orange juice seems like a good thing to cook salmon in...
Had the greatest evening with my friend Sara tonight. All you skinny people have not lived until you heard two phat girls alone in a room dishin' on the ins and outs of this process. Laughin', cryin', cussin', sighin', shoutin'... sometimes all in the same sentence.
The good news is I have co-opted Sara as my swimming buddy. We start on Mon at Bennetto and we have the whole week covered. I'm pretty proud cuz I wasn't thinking I'd make it to the exercise portion of the program til February. Turns out all this crazy energy I have from eating properly needs an outlet.
As some of you may know, I'm not a very good cook, but I'm trying real hard to stick to it. I'm even learning to be slightly adventurous. Some hits, some... not so much. A word to the wise... just cuz orange juice seems like a good thing to cook salmon in...
Friday, January 14, 2011
day fourteen
I have a fear. It's not a big fear, it's really so small I shouldn't even consider it but it's creeped in there none the less. I'm afraid this euphoria and tremendous feeling of well being can't last. Logically, rationally I know it most certainly won't. I know that I'll come back down to earth and this project will seem as difficult and dreary as can be. Changing the way you've managed your life for a very long time isn't easy. The thing is... right now it's crazy easy, and that's what worries me a bit. It feels like it should be harder, but it isn't - it feels right, a planets aligning kind of right, if you follow me.
So... the decision I 've made today is to just go with it. You see, before, I'd let a little a little kernel of doubt wedge its way into the back of my mind and I'd let it sit there and fester. I'd worry it, fret it and pretty soon it'd get so big it'd pretty much take over. I'd derail myself before I even got a good start. I'd think , "well, things are going to go tragically wrong somewhere down the line so I might as well stop now and save the disappointment". Not this time. I feel good today and I anticipate feeling good tomorrow...
Maybe this time I can string enough good todays together and before you know it... nope, no predictions... it's enough I feel good TODAY.
So... the decision I 've made today is to just go with it. You see, before, I'd let a little a little kernel of doubt wedge its way into the back of my mind and I'd let it sit there and fester. I'd worry it, fret it and pretty soon it'd get so big it'd pretty much take over. I'd derail myself before I even got a good start. I'd think , "well, things are going to go tragically wrong somewhere down the line so I might as well stop now and save the disappointment". Not this time. I feel good today and I anticipate feeling good tomorrow...
Maybe this time I can string enough good todays together and before you know it... nope, no predictions... it's enough I feel good TODAY.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
day thirteen
In breaking news unrelated to The Project: just saw The King's Speech... sooooo good. Hopefully Mr. Firth will be compensated with the Best Actor Oscar this year that he was so shamefully denied for last year's A Single Man.
Of course, a trip to the movies presented it's own type of challenge vis a vis The Project. Those of you who have seen me at The Cactus know that I eat popcorn as if it was one of the essential food groups. Just below coffee and just above chocolate on the pyramid if I'm not mistaken. Since the start of The Project I have made a conscience effort not to touch it. We all have this food in our lives : the one we mindlessly munch while watching TV, surfing the Web, or chatting to guests at the bar. Part of my plan has been to really pay attention to what goes in and thereby make choices, not succumb to (lazy, harmful) habits.
We got to the theatre and I was introduced to this new thing-a-ma-bob that some of you may know already... Yogen Fruz. Never heard of it, but after a small dish of blackberry which my friend tells me has 100 calories and no fat (?) I'm pretty much hooked. O.K. I sense I've built the tension enough YES... there was popcorn and it was GOOD.
On reflection I think it was so good cuz I made a choice. That's the weird thing about The Project: I'm learning that I'm in charge of the choices I make and the more present I am in my day, the better my day will be.
Of course, a trip to the movies presented it's own type of challenge vis a vis The Project. Those of you who have seen me at The Cactus know that I eat popcorn as if it was one of the essential food groups. Just below coffee and just above chocolate on the pyramid if I'm not mistaken. Since the start of The Project I have made a conscience effort not to touch it. We all have this food in our lives : the one we mindlessly munch while watching TV, surfing the Web, or chatting to guests at the bar. Part of my plan has been to really pay attention to what goes in and thereby make choices, not succumb to (lazy, harmful) habits.
We got to the theatre and I was introduced to this new thing-a-ma-bob that some of you may know already... Yogen Fruz. Never heard of it, but after a small dish of blackberry which my friend tells me has 100 calories and no fat (?) I'm pretty much hooked. O.K. I sense I've built the tension enough YES... there was popcorn and it was GOOD.
On reflection I think it was so good cuz I made a choice. That's the weird thing about The Project: I'm learning that I'm in charge of the choices I make and the more present I am in my day, the better my day will be.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
day twelve
Drumroll please... 3 pounds !!!
There you have it, the first official weigh of the 50X50 Project. Pretty exciting stuff, eh?
O.k., I am pleased as punch with this loss cuz it adheres pretty closely to what I think should be the trend here. Obviously, I've been doing some reading on this subject (understatement alert) and it turns out the most sensible thing I can shoot for is 2-3 lbs/ week. Off to a running start!
I have to say that the tremendous show of support from everyone has been slightly overwhelming. Hugely appreciated, but overwhelming none-the-less. That folks I see everyday,as well as folks whose names causes a pleasant trill of recognition and remembrance have taken the time to share support, tips and a simple "way to go" means everything.
The YWCA... why hadn't I thought of this ??? I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with what will be my most advantageous exercise plan. Swimming is right up there with breathing as one of my favourite activities so I downloaded the sched and soon... I be swimmin' !
There you have it, the first official weigh of the 50X50 Project. Pretty exciting stuff, eh?
O.k., I am pleased as punch with this loss cuz it adheres pretty closely to what I think should be the trend here. Obviously, I've been doing some reading on this subject (understatement alert) and it turns out the most sensible thing I can shoot for is 2-3 lbs/ week. Off to a running start!
I have to say that the tremendous show of support from everyone has been slightly overwhelming. Hugely appreciated, but overwhelming none-the-less. That folks I see everyday,as well as folks whose names causes a pleasant trill of recognition and remembrance have taken the time to share support, tips and a simple "way to go" means everything.
The YWCA... why hadn't I thought of this ??? I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with what will be my most advantageous exercise plan. Swimming is right up there with breathing as one of my favourite activities so I downloaded the sched and soon... I be swimmin' !
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
day eleven
It's great to me that some real good friends of mine are taking on their own personal journeys. Les, Sara, Pete... it's heartening to be surrounded by folks who are also taking the arduous steps towards making themselves more healthy. It's also terrifically cool to feel the support waves wash back and forth.
It got me thinking that the journey I'm on is obviously about food and weight but what about my friends who have used 2011 as a springboard into personal journeys don't involve that, but rather something else that will make them their own kind of healthy. Casey who runs cuz it makes her feel good and Brad who changed his business cuz it was time to. Both are good friends who work on moving forward. I guess it's the time of year when we prize that sort of forward motion, keeping ourselves warm with the glow of (sometimes hard fought) achievements while the snow whips around outside.
I want all of these folks to know how proud I am to have them as friends and how much they motivate me.
If I seem elegiac tonight it's cuz I have my first official weigh tomorrow and I wanted to say, no matter what the scale says I know I'm on the right track and in good company to boot :)
It got me thinking that the journey I'm on is obviously about food and weight but what about my friends who have used 2011 as a springboard into personal journeys don't involve that, but rather something else that will make them their own kind of healthy. Casey who runs cuz it makes her feel good and Brad who changed his business cuz it was time to. Both are good friends who work on moving forward. I guess it's the time of year when we prize that sort of forward motion, keeping ourselves warm with the glow of (sometimes hard fought) achievements while the snow whips around outside.
I want all of these folks to know how proud I am to have them as friends and how much they motivate me.
If I seem elegiac tonight it's cuz I have my first official weigh tomorrow and I wanted to say, no matter what the scale says I know I'm on the right track and in good company to boot :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
day ten
Another quiet day... which suited me fine :) This writing every day is difficult cuz I'm afraid of being trite or boring. Sorry if I'm either. The quiet days give me perhaps too much time to dwell on what I'm doing. I'm feeling good, but still very caught up in the food of it all. My father was a great man but not terrifically introspective. I don't think he had much time for it. I can hear his voice in my ear saying, " Now, Cath... you didn't put it on quickly so what makes you think it'll come off quickly. Just buckle down and work at it ".
With that in mind this week I'll "work at it". Turns out there is a community pool right up the street from my house. And who wouldn't want to swim at a place called "Pinky" Lewis :)
In case you're keeping track, I will be doing the official weighs on Wednesdays cuz that's the day the scale came here to live.
With that in mind this week I'll "work at it". Turns out there is a community pool right up the street from my house. And who wouldn't want to swim at a place called "Pinky" Lewis :)
In case you're keeping track, I will be doing the official weighs on Wednesdays cuz that's the day the scale came here to live.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
day nine
Quiet day off work. Took Vito for a looong walk today and as usual, while it was fun, not really much in the way of exercise. We get a good clip going then some irresistible scent pulls him away, then there's stopping, identifying, codifying, cataloguing... scents are very complex it seems to me.
Speaking of exercise, I'm not getting much. Perhaps it's o.k. to decide that January is all focused on the food part of this journey and exercise can hop on the train come February. Seems like there's enough going on with just the healthy eating... yes, horizons will be expanded come Feb :)
Speaking of exercise, I'm not getting much. Perhaps it's o.k. to decide that January is all focused on the food part of this journey and exercise can hop on the train come February. Seems like there's enough going on with just the healthy eating... yes, horizons will be expanded come Feb :)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
day eight
Seven days down and 222 to go *gulp*
Today's tale is about grocery shopping. It turns out when you're an unhealthy eater you can get through the grocery store in about 5 minutes flat. Grab what looks good, looks easy, looks oh so very tasty. In and out. Today was a grocery store visit of a different kind entirely. Today involved alot of reading. Turns out calorie counts aren't the only things out there waiting to sabotage me. Fat content (good vs. bad fat), sugar percentages, fibre ... I checked every package and read every label for serving size, "ose" endings, oh I was busy.
The funny thing was, I actually felt more engaged in what was about to go in my mouth. When I got home and grilled my chicken and threw it in a big bowl with baby spinach, grape tomatoes, red onion and just a touch of poppyseed dressing I really enjoyed it. I knew I was eating something I'd picked out on purpose that would fill me physically and emotionally. If you've never been overweight, you don't understand the emotional component that is attached to everything I eat. It's hard to admit that I don't have the same relationship with food that others do... but I don't.
We have 222 days ahead to share and maybe I'll be brave enough to share the scary bits... but not yet. After all, we've only been together a week... but what a grand week it's been :)
Today's tale is about grocery shopping. It turns out when you're an unhealthy eater you can get through the grocery store in about 5 minutes flat. Grab what looks good, looks easy, looks oh so very tasty. In and out. Today was a grocery store visit of a different kind entirely. Today involved alot of reading. Turns out calorie counts aren't the only things out there waiting to sabotage me. Fat content (good vs. bad fat), sugar percentages, fibre ... I checked every package and read every label for serving size, "ose" endings, oh I was busy.
The funny thing was, I actually felt more engaged in what was about to go in my mouth. When I got home and grilled my chicken and threw it in a big bowl with baby spinach, grape tomatoes, red onion and just a touch of poppyseed dressing I really enjoyed it. I knew I was eating something I'd picked out on purpose that would fill me physically and emotionally. If you've never been overweight, you don't understand the emotional component that is attached to everything I eat. It's hard to admit that I don't have the same relationship with food that others do... but I don't.
We have 222 days ahead to share and maybe I'll be brave enough to share the scary bits... but not yet. After all, we've only been together a week... but what a grand week it's been :)
day seven
A little bit late tonight cuz I was on the close. This is my first instance of my day basically being upside down. I think I did alright and I certainly noticed my energy level was a lot higher.
As I wind down this first week I'm feeling pretty good. So far everyone has been tremendously supportive. OK, there was one guy tonight who said, " no, it's too hard". I assured him it wasn't but he seemed unconvinced.
Part of this project is to be public about it. The downside to this is the unsolicited advice that everybody feels compelled to share. Now I'm not talking about good friends here with whom I'm glad to share tips and tricks and results. No, I'm talking about the guy who said to me tonight , "just pick one food and don't eat it anymore. I stopped eating french fries for 3 months and I lost like 30 lbs". Okaaaay... I'll try that.
Or I could stick to my original plan which is honestly just Canada's food guide and common sense. Yeah... maybe I'll stick with that.
As I wind down this first week I'm feeling pretty good. So far everyone has been tremendously supportive. OK, there was one guy tonight who said, " no, it's too hard". I assured him it wasn't but he seemed unconvinced.
Part of this project is to be public about it. The downside to this is the unsolicited advice that everybody feels compelled to share. Now I'm not talking about good friends here with whom I'm glad to share tips and tricks and results. No, I'm talking about the guy who said to me tonight , "just pick one food and don't eat it anymore. I stopped eating french fries for 3 months and I lost like 30 lbs". Okaaaay... I'll try that.
Or I could stick to my original plan which is honestly just Canada's food guide and common sense. Yeah... maybe I'll stick with that.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
day six
Fairly quiet on the 50X50 front today. I must say I was a bit shocked when I saw how many calories are in the Vitamin water (130/591ml)... holy crap... I really thought it was just water.
Had our managers' Christmas dinner at a delightful Italian place in Ancaster. Managed to hold off on the (gorgeous) bread and my palate naturally takes me toward seafood with a white wine sauce... nothing too heavy. It was redonkulously good !!
I think it's important to remember that I'm building a smarter way to live my life and for me that certainly doesn't include deprivation. The occasional dinner out isn't gonna freak me out as long as the rest of my life can stay balanced. THAT'S the word of the day... balance.
Had our managers' Christmas dinner at a delightful Italian place in Ancaster. Managed to hold off on the (gorgeous) bread and my palate naturally takes me toward seafood with a white wine sauce... nothing too heavy. It was redonkulously good !!
I think it's important to remember that I'm building a smarter way to live my life and for me that certainly doesn't include deprivation. The occasional dinner out isn't gonna freak me out as long as the rest of my life can stay balanced. THAT'S the word of the day... balance.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
day five
Choices... today was all about choices.
I had to go into the city to pick up some stuff but stop at the Metro first. It was just around twelve noon and my helpful app had just informed me that it was time for lunch. This helpful app is pretty regimented about when I should eat. The thing is that since I've been following the regimen I pretty much agree with it. So I'm leaving the restaurant with no time to eat and I'm famished. Quick stop at the Metro and I thinks to meself, aha, I can just grab something small here, finish my chores and all will be well.
Usually, grabbing something small at the Metro involves their sandwiches : 3 inches of black forest ham topped with slabs of gooey brie smushed between fresh baked baguette (visualize Homer Simpson drooling now and you're on the right track). Even as the gravitational pull dragged me ever closer to the deli counter a small voice went off in my head. "Make a choice here, Cath", it seemed to be shouting.
I stopped, turned towards the produce, picked up a pear and a Vitamin Water (grape if you're curious) and went on my way.
I imagine there'll come a time when the little voice won't have to shout so loud and I'll make the right choices out of habit. Today I'm just happy I heard it... and that pear tasted way better than any sandwich coulda :)
I had to go into the city to pick up some stuff but stop at the Metro first. It was just around twelve noon and my helpful app had just informed me that it was time for lunch. This helpful app is pretty regimented about when I should eat. The thing is that since I've been following the regimen I pretty much agree with it. So I'm leaving the restaurant with no time to eat and I'm famished. Quick stop at the Metro and I thinks to meself, aha, I can just grab something small here, finish my chores and all will be well.
Usually, grabbing something small at the Metro involves their sandwiches : 3 inches of black forest ham topped with slabs of gooey brie smushed between fresh baked baguette (visualize Homer Simpson drooling now and you're on the right track). Even as the gravitational pull dragged me ever closer to the deli counter a small voice went off in my head. "Make a choice here, Cath", it seemed to be shouting.
I stopped, turned towards the produce, picked up a pear and a Vitamin Water (grape if you're curious) and went on my way.
I imagine there'll come a time when the little voice won't have to shout so loud and I'll make the right choices out of habit. Today I'm just happy I heard it... and that pear tasted way better than any sandwich coulda :)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
day four
So... much... water
As my niece helpfully pointed out "it'll be awesome for your skin". Yes, and I'm really not put out by the peeing every twelve to fourteen minutes.
Bought the scale today. Came home and took it for a spin. It's age or something but I knew EXACTLY how much I was going to weigh and by gum I was spot on... weird. So it's a fairly fancy number, this scale, and it has little adjustable arrows around the outside perfect for things like, gee I don't know, goal setting. I weighed myself and set a lovely orange arrow on the current weight. Next I took the cheerful yellow arrow and placed it on the goal number. It surprised me a bit how not far away from each other those two numbers are... maybe like 2 or 3 inches. Something tells me it will be the longest 2 or 3 inches I've travelled in a while...
As my niece helpfully pointed out "it'll be awesome for your skin". Yes, and I'm really not put out by the peeing every twelve to fourteen minutes.
Bought the scale today. Came home and took it for a spin. It's age or something but I knew EXACTLY how much I was going to weigh and by gum I was spot on... weird. So it's a fairly fancy number, this scale, and it has little adjustable arrows around the outside perfect for things like, gee I don't know, goal setting. I weighed myself and set a lovely orange arrow on the current weight. Next I took the cheerful yellow arrow and placed it on the goal number. It surprised me a bit how not far away from each other those two numbers are... maybe like 2 or 3 inches. Something tells me it will be the longest 2 or 3 inches I've travelled in a while...
Monday, January 3, 2011
day three
Suspicions confirmed: it's harder to tackle this nonsense on a day off. I guess I need the structure afforded by the work day. Also, have leftover Christmas Werthers in the house is not helping.
I'm trying to practise visualizing the end of the project. Visualizing what 50 lbs less will look like. Mostly I see clothes that will fit me again. I'm actually pretty adorable at whatever weight I am so I'm visualizing chic, I think.
I'm still uncomfortable publishing my current weight but I'm going to publish the numbers lost, or (God forbid) gained. To that end it seems I'm going to purchase a scale. Hmmm... no jumping for joy at the thought of spending money on something designed to provide reality checks but hey... I have $8.05 in Canadian Tire money saved up and it's burning a hole in my pocket
I'm trying to practise visualizing the end of the project. Visualizing what 50 lbs less will look like. Mostly I see clothes that will fit me again. I'm actually pretty adorable at whatever weight I am so I'm visualizing chic, I think.
I'm still uncomfortable publishing my current weight but I'm going to publish the numbers lost, or (God forbid) gained. To that end it seems I'm going to purchase a scale. Hmmm... no jumping for joy at the thought of spending money on something designed to provide reality checks but hey... I have $8.05 in Canadian Tire money saved up and it's burning a hole in my pocket
Sunday, January 2, 2011
day two
I downloaded a super helpful app on my phone, but always the same old problem for me. Having a hard time eating as much as is required... or rather at the right time of day. The counterintuitive-ness of eating more to lose weight always freaks me out abit. Yes, yes... I get that it's more of the "right" stuff, but it still feels odd.
I'm thinking of taking the plunge and joining a running class. I have this notion that someone will take me aside and "kindly" explain that I'm too fat to run but that might just be my imagination. :)
Overall... I'm still feeling pretty pumped about this journey.
I'm thinking of taking the plunge and joining a running class. I have this notion that someone will take me aside and "kindly" explain that I'm too fat to run but that might just be my imagination. :)
Overall... I'm still feeling pretty pumped about this journey.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
day one
Alright... day one of the 50X50 Project. The goal is to lose 50 lbs by my 50th birthday. Not as far fetched as it sounds as my birthday is in August. Yep, August 19 2011 I'll be fifty years old. While that seems patently impossible perhaps that's best dealt with a little further down the line.
For starters I just wanted to get this up and running. Somewhere in my head I think accountability is going to play a large part in this. I'm not sure anybody will read this but I'll try to be as honest as possible.
That said, I'm not sure if I'm ready to deal with actual numbers yet. That's as honest as I can be right now.
I'm a tiny bit frightened of this whole process but if you stick with me I'll keep writing.
For starters I just wanted to get this up and running. Somewhere in my head I think accountability is going to play a large part in this. I'm not sure anybody will read this but I'll try to be as honest as possible.
That said, I'm not sure if I'm ready to deal with actual numbers yet. That's as honest as I can be right now.
I'm a tiny bit frightened of this whole process but if you stick with me I'll keep writing.
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