I had to work today but I watched most of the ceremony live streamed on my computer in the office. This was prob'ly a mistake. I was in floods for most of it and not of much use to anybody.
I have a great deal of respect for Mr. Layton and was heartened to see the outpouring of emotion from all over Canada. We don't usually do this big, noisy collective grief thing as a rule but I understand the urge. You admired him as a public figure, as a courageous battler against cancer that has taken so many that I don't know of anyone who hasn't been touched by it. You admired him, even if you disagreed with him cuz it seemed true. His passion for what he believed never seemed convenient or wishy- washy. I feel the heartbreak of bringing that party, my party really, right up to the table but cruelly being denied the chance to sit down to dinner.
I have believed for a long time that Jack Layton was a scrappy version of Stephen Lewis. I thought Mr.Lewis' eulogy was as close to perfection as you get. It was rousing, and thought provoking and in your face and touching. My heart went out to Mr. Layton's kids cuz I remember standing there thinking : "here's what I want the world to know about my dad". It was the most difficult and at the same time most rewarding bit of speechifying I've ever done. People later asked me how I didn't break down and I just said: " it was for dad and he'd want me to do good". I thought Jack's kids did good.
We'll go back to the politics "business as usual" and this new NDP will make a heap of mistakes, and look foolish and sometimes get it right. The only hope is that a Stephen (or David for you old timers)Lewis or a Jack Layton will emerge to continue to fight the good fight.
Thank you Mr. Layton for your years of public service. It's time to rest now.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
back to it
All the paperwork is done and this year's Cactus Fest is a distant memory. I'm some tired but there's a day off looming...
As you can tell by the ticker my weight hasn't budged. I'm making a wee change in the hopes of changing that. The website I use for tracking allots me 1250 cals. per day. That works out to a theoretical loss of 1 lb per week. I've decided to lower that to 1/2 lb a week which allots 1470/ day. I figure a few more of the healthy nutrients goin' in can only help the cause. I was pretty focused towards the end there but as usual the stress of the last couple weeks caused me to under eat. I'm hoping that by jumping back in with both feet food-wise I can shake something loose. Namely a few pounds :)
Still not used to being blonde and CERTAINLY not used to people shouting out "hey blondie". Really? Well I guess it's a slight improvement over "carrot top" which I was forced to put up with in my formative years.
It felt weird to take a couple of days off from the blogging. I think "intermittent" would be the best way to describe it now :) Some things don't change tho... still just blathering ...
ttyl
As you can tell by the ticker my weight hasn't budged. I'm making a wee change in the hopes of changing that. The website I use for tracking allots me 1250 cals. per day. That works out to a theoretical loss of 1 lb per week. I've decided to lower that to 1/2 lb a week which allots 1470/ day. I figure a few more of the healthy nutrients goin' in can only help the cause. I was pretty focused towards the end there but as usual the stress of the last couple weeks caused me to under eat. I'm hoping that by jumping back in with both feet food-wise I can shake something loose. Namely a few pounds :)
Still not used to being blonde and CERTAINLY not used to people shouting out "hey blondie". Really? Well I guess it's a slight improvement over "carrot top" which I was forced to put up with in my formative years.
It felt weird to take a couple of days off from the blogging. I think "intermittent" would be the best way to describe it now :) Some things don't change tho... still just blathering ...
ttyl
Saturday, August 20, 2011
day one ? or where do I go from here...
Yesterday I celebrated with a most excellent group of friends. A very fun birthday :) Part of the fun was not having people recognize me with the new hair colour! Even my own mom...
Speaking of mom, she was being a bit of a trial last night. Pretty much par for the course. One of my friends saw that it was really getting to me and she said: "Cath, let it go - don't make this the hill you die on". What a fantastic way to put it. Immediately things got clearer and easier. God, it's cool to have smart friends.
Ah... where do I go from here? Does there need to be a next big thing , or can I just quietly follow the pursuits I have enjoyed this tremendous year. I think some time off might be warranted. This is really the first birthday I can remember where I haven't thought ok, this year I'm going to dot, dot, dot. I've done all the dot, dot, dots I set out to. I'm sure some overwhelming urge to do something will pop unbidden into my head but for right now I think a little "stay the course" is in order.
Here's a funny... even if you don't read the horoscope I'm gonna bet you pick it up on your birthday. You know the one: if today is your birthday blah blah blah. So I look at mine yesterday and amid all the other stuff it says, you may want to change your approach to diet and exercise. Well Hamilton Spectator syndicated horoscope column... you are day late and a dollar short :)
Speaking of mom, she was being a bit of a trial last night. Pretty much par for the course. One of my friends saw that it was really getting to me and she said: "Cath, let it go - don't make this the hill you die on". What a fantastic way to put it. Immediately things got clearer and easier. God, it's cool to have smart friends.
Ah... where do I go from here? Does there need to be a next big thing , or can I just quietly follow the pursuits I have enjoyed this tremendous year. I think some time off might be warranted. This is really the first birthday I can remember where I haven't thought ok, this year I'm going to dot, dot, dot. I've done all the dot, dot, dots I set out to. I'm sure some overwhelming urge to do something will pop unbidden into my head but for right now I think a little "stay the course" is in order.
Here's a funny... even if you don't read the horoscope I'm gonna bet you pick it up on your birthday. You know the one: if today is your birthday blah blah blah. So I look at mine yesterday and amid all the other stuff it says, you may want to change your approach to diet and exercise. Well Hamilton Spectator syndicated horoscope column... you are day late and a dollar short :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
day two hundred and thirty
Well... this is it. I made it.
When I wake up tomorrow I'll be 50 years old. Just need to take a minute to process that sentence. OK... i got it :) Tonight I did my last workout as a person in my 40's. EJ was aware of this and decided to work the livin' daylights out of me. It was great. No qualifiers or snarky comments. It was just plain great. Partly because I know the things that he had me do would have been impossible when we started together. I had my assessment with Leslie and the measuring tape doesn't lie. Since I've started I've lost a total of 15 inches. Feelin' pretty chuffed with myself.
Today was full of thinking. Thinking about the Project and all that it means to me. I went to visit my dad today just to be near him. I talk to my dad alot and don't need to be in the cemetery to do it, but it seemed important today. Side note before this becomes too maudlin: there's a gravestone near my dad's that has about the coolest epitaph ever - "don't think it ain't been swell". That one makes me smile every time. Anyway, I just went to hang out and enjoy the peace. My last two birthdays without my dad were bad enough but this one feels especially hurtful. I know, as I have always known that he's proud of me but I don't think the feeling of needing to see them again ever goes away. I miss him daily but I know he gave me the tools to make my own way with integrity and honour and I'm so very grateful for that.
The Project started as a whim kind of idea that blossomed into something real. Part of the reason that happened is because kind people believed I could do it. I said at the beginning that accountability was the driving force behind this blog. Little did I know that the support from so many dear friends would become the real story. Sometimes I feel troubled that I'm single.Kind of ripped off on occasion. On the other hand I know people who are in relationships that don't have the remarkable support system that I do. I've been given the opportunity to open up my field of vision as well as my arms to all kinds of crazy good people. Maybe that wouldn't be the case if I was all "settled down". I'll defer to Sinead O'Connor here and say I do not want what I haven't got. While that's not exactly true I'm damned grateful for what I do have :)
My ticker will change as time beats on. I've learned important things about taking care of myself properly inside and out. I'll continue to try my best. For those of you who stuck it out and read these ramblings I just want to say thanks. It became an endurance test at points, this writing every day but every time somebody said they read it my heart jumped up a little bit. So that's what I mean to say... thanks for making my heart jump up.
I'm at the finish and I don't know how to finish this post. I'll tell you that there are tears. Tears but no sorrow.
So I'm gonna say goodnight. Who am I kidding? I'll be keeping this blog... maybe not as religiously so if yer bored, stop in...
ttyl
When I wake up tomorrow I'll be 50 years old. Just need to take a minute to process that sentence. OK... i got it :) Tonight I did my last workout as a person in my 40's. EJ was aware of this and decided to work the livin' daylights out of me. It was great. No qualifiers or snarky comments. It was just plain great. Partly because I know the things that he had me do would have been impossible when we started together. I had my assessment with Leslie and the measuring tape doesn't lie. Since I've started I've lost a total of 15 inches. Feelin' pretty chuffed with myself.
Today was full of thinking. Thinking about the Project and all that it means to me. I went to visit my dad today just to be near him. I talk to my dad alot and don't need to be in the cemetery to do it, but it seemed important today. Side note before this becomes too maudlin: there's a gravestone near my dad's that has about the coolest epitaph ever - "don't think it ain't been swell". That one makes me smile every time. Anyway, I just went to hang out and enjoy the peace. My last two birthdays without my dad were bad enough but this one feels especially hurtful. I know, as I have always known that he's proud of me but I don't think the feeling of needing to see them again ever goes away. I miss him daily but I know he gave me the tools to make my own way with integrity and honour and I'm so very grateful for that.
The Project started as a whim kind of idea that blossomed into something real. Part of the reason that happened is because kind people believed I could do it. I said at the beginning that accountability was the driving force behind this blog. Little did I know that the support from so many dear friends would become the real story. Sometimes I feel troubled that I'm single.Kind of ripped off on occasion. On the other hand I know people who are in relationships that don't have the remarkable support system that I do. I've been given the opportunity to open up my field of vision as well as my arms to all kinds of crazy good people. Maybe that wouldn't be the case if I was all "settled down". I'll defer to Sinead O'Connor here and say I do not want what I haven't got. While that's not exactly true I'm damned grateful for what I do have :)
My ticker will change as time beats on. I've learned important things about taking care of myself properly inside and out. I'll continue to try my best. For those of you who stuck it out and read these ramblings I just want to say thanks. It became an endurance test at points, this writing every day but every time somebody said they read it my heart jumped up a little bit. So that's what I mean to say... thanks for making my heart jump up.
I'm at the finish and I don't know how to finish this post. I'll tell you that there are tears. Tears but no sorrow.
So I'm gonna say goodnight. Who am I kidding? I'll be keeping this blog... maybe not as religiously so if yer bored, stop in...
ttyl
day two hundred and twenty nine
A most excellent day on the golf course. Glorious weather and I was striking the ball just about as well as I ever had. Some days life is just plain good.
... goodness, I went for a wee break on the couch and now it's 8:30 in the morning. I guess the day took more out of me than I thought :)
Sunshine accompanies my last couple of Project days which is just right. I'm feeling pretty awesome and sunshiney. This Project has been the nicest thing I could have done for myself. I really can't think of a better way to spend eight months. I'm feeling fit and healthy and just plain happy. So many "good todays" strung together and I'm feeling blessed.
Gonna scoot and get on with my day... so much to do :) Ain't it grand !!
... goodness, I went for a wee break on the couch and now it's 8:30 in the morning. I guess the day took more out of me than I thought :)
Sunshine accompanies my last couple of Project days which is just right. I'm feeling pretty awesome and sunshiney. This Project has been the nicest thing I could have done for myself. I really can't think of a better way to spend eight months. I'm feeling fit and healthy and just plain happy. So many "good todays" strung together and I'm feeling blessed.
Gonna scoot and get on with my day... so much to do :) Ain't it grand !!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
day two hundred and twenty eight
My mini- makeover today was a tremendous success. Yes people, I'm not just blonde, I'm uber blonde. LOVE IT !!! It was a great deal of fun watch the whole process. It was pretty spur of the moment. Started out in the chair with just some lazy talk about how I wanted something completely different and presto... two and a half hours later - I had it.
Just a couple of weeks ago I was contemplating shaving my head. I got this idea that I just wanted to make a fresh start to honour the big b-day. I will admit that I'm glad cooler heads prevailed . I imagine in a couple of days I'll be used to this but right now I honestly feel like a different person. Catching sight of myself in a mirror is odd. Fun, but odd :)
Two days off now then it's Friday and my birthday and the Project is done. It has all come so quickly and awfully slowly at the same time. Off to a golf tournament tomorrow then odds and sods on Thursday. Friday is the start of the Festival then it's just hang on for dear life.
3...2...1...
ttyl :)
Just a couple of weeks ago I was contemplating shaving my head. I got this idea that I just wanted to make a fresh start to honour the big b-day. I will admit that I'm glad cooler heads prevailed . I imagine in a couple of days I'll be used to this but right now I honestly feel like a different person. Catching sight of myself in a mirror is odd. Fun, but odd :)
Two days off now then it's Friday and my birthday and the Project is done. It has all come so quickly and awfully slowly at the same time. Off to a golf tournament tomorrow then odds and sods on Thursday. Friday is the start of the Festival then it's just hang on for dear life.
3...2...1...
ttyl :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
day two hundred and twenty seven
or day one of festival prep. *arghh*
Not much on the Project front tonight. I was so consumed today with all things Cactus Festival that I really haven't had time for any independent thought. The festivals come and they're always a crazy success but holy crap there's alot of "pre" work that goes into them.
I just want to have it on the record that I think Mother Nature is a crazy vengeful bitch. Make of that what you will...
I'm v. excited for my mini- makeover tomorrow. Finally the cut and colour I've been so sorely needing. It will be fun to have kicky hair again. I thought I might have the patience to grow my hair but the heat this summer convinced me otherwise. It may turn out to be a winter project... don't worry I won't keep a blog about it :)
A fairly good start to the last week of the Project but I'm missing the exercise element. Better not lose perspective on that... maybe I'll be able to get out for a lovely bike ride this week. Or at the very least some basement treadmilling. Meeting with EJ on Thurs. and also having my assessment. *gulp* I console myself with the fact that it will never be as horrible as it was the first time :)
Hope yer week started out just the way you needed it to !
Not much on the Project front tonight. I was so consumed today with all things Cactus Festival that I really haven't had time for any independent thought. The festivals come and they're always a crazy success but holy crap there's alot of "pre" work that goes into them.
I just want to have it on the record that I think Mother Nature is a crazy vengeful bitch. Make of that what you will...
I'm v. excited for my mini- makeover tomorrow. Finally the cut and colour I've been so sorely needing. It will be fun to have kicky hair again. I thought I might have the patience to grow my hair but the heat this summer convinced me otherwise. It may turn out to be a winter project... don't worry I won't keep a blog about it :)
A fairly good start to the last week of the Project but I'm missing the exercise element. Better not lose perspective on that... maybe I'll be able to get out for a lovely bike ride this week. Or at the very least some basement treadmilling. Meeting with EJ on Thurs. and also having my assessment. *gulp* I console myself with the fact that it will never be as horrible as it was the first time :)
Hope yer week started out just the way you needed it to !
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