Last Friday I went to a wedding. It was an enormous amount of fun and just the right amount of perfect for the couple - Emily and Brian. It was one of those weddings that didn't hit any false notes. You could see the bride and groom in all the details. That makes for a pretty much perfect evening. Fun was being had by all but I had to work the next morning so I left earlyish. Got some dancing and silliness in but apparently missed the shank, as it were. That was ok by me cuz I ended up having the most delightful drive home. It was so delightful that it's stayed with me all this week so I thought I'd chat about it.
The wedding was at Hernder Estates which is along the wine route. Anyone who knows me knows that my sense of direction is... flawed. It was a gorgeous night out, about 10 and I figured I could find my way home without resorting to the QEW. I started along a very dark hwy 8 and there were absolutely no cars. It had rained earlier but stopped and the moon was poking out of a cloudy sky. Hwy 8 wanders in and around and up and down... just right. What made the drive so delightful was that it reminded me of another car ride home a couple of years ago. We were coming back from Niagara on the Lake and trying to wend our way down the wine route. Same type of night, quiet, deserted, but clear. So very clear. It was late summer and the stars were losing their minds in the sky. So many thousands trying to elbow their way across this big black sky. My friend was driving and he let me pick every turn. I picked wrong every time. Just plain wrong. Didn't matter... when he stopped the car so we could feast on those stars my flawed sense of direction had brought us to exactly the right place.
I feel like that alot sometimes: taking the wrong turn, picking a direction cuz my gut says "go that way... I'm sure this time" and being wrong again. The wonderful places this flawed sense of direction has taken me to almost makes me weep with gratitude. And the thing is, I always end up home.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Goals
Goals, I'm finding are slippery things.
Having pursued a goal from Jan 1 to Aug 19th I find myself a bit at sea. It feels like it should be easy to just pick a new one and set after it. It's not. Losing the last 15 pounds, exercising on a daily basis, cooking a healthy meal at least 3 times a week... these should be easy peasy goals. Maybe they're just not big enough. They feel pretty mundane after what I've put myself through. More to the point, they're really just an extension of the original goal.
So here's the goal I'm going to pick cuz it is terrifically hard for me and will require skills that I don't currently possess: I'm going to make a phone call. That's it... a simple phone call. During the Project I came to understand that what seems easy and natural for others didn't come easily to me. Really, a row of Oreos for dinner isn't good for you? Eating once a day doesn't help you lose weight? I had alot of "d'oh" moments for sure. Now the act of making a phone call to someone you think you might like who might like you back comes naturally to a large portion of the population. Not to me. Here I am, 50, afraid to make a lousy phone call to a boy. Like most things we're reluctant to do, it's more difficult to do cuz I've built it up in my head. Maybe if I'd had more practise at this it wouldn't be so hard now :)
O.K.... here's the goal: make the stupid phone call. There's no sense bemoaning the fact that you're single if you're not willing to make a dopey phone call that could alter that state. Take some ownership I'd tell somebody else. Alright, "New Goal"... look out - I'm headed your way :)
Having pursued a goal from Jan 1 to Aug 19th I find myself a bit at sea. It feels like it should be easy to just pick a new one and set after it. It's not. Losing the last 15 pounds, exercising on a daily basis, cooking a healthy meal at least 3 times a week... these should be easy peasy goals. Maybe they're just not big enough. They feel pretty mundane after what I've put myself through. More to the point, they're really just an extension of the original goal.
So here's the goal I'm going to pick cuz it is terrifically hard for me and will require skills that I don't currently possess: I'm going to make a phone call. That's it... a simple phone call. During the Project I came to understand that what seems easy and natural for others didn't come easily to me. Really, a row of Oreos for dinner isn't good for you? Eating once a day doesn't help you lose weight? I had alot of "d'oh" moments for sure. Now the act of making a phone call to someone you think you might like who might like you back comes naturally to a large portion of the population. Not to me. Here I am, 50, afraid to make a lousy phone call to a boy. Like most things we're reluctant to do, it's more difficult to do cuz I've built it up in my head. Maybe if I'd had more practise at this it wouldn't be so hard now :)
O.K.... here's the goal: make the stupid phone call. There's no sense bemoaning the fact that you're single if you're not willing to make a dopey phone call that could alter that state. Take some ownership I'd tell somebody else. Alright, "New Goal"... look out - I'm headed your way :)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Break's over
A cool thing happened today. I got my blog in the mail. There's a company called blog2print that will print your blog and make it into a real live book. Mine arrived today. It's all in there. From day one to day two hundred and thirty. I never actually reviewed my blog while I was writing it. I never went back on day eighty-six and read what I wrote on day twenty-three. Having it all in front of me was a bit of a revelation. I was pretty proud of what I was reading. More to the point, I realized how helpful the writing was to the process.
The writing gave me a place to explore some fairly serious issues for myself. The writing helped me figure out what I was feeling... even on the days when I hated it. And some days I really hated it. Well, it's been a month since the Project finished and I need the writing again. It keeps me focused on the day to day. No big picture stuff... well sometimes... but mostly the daily epiphanies that accumulate into something larger.
Break's over.
The writing gave me a place to explore some fairly serious issues for myself. The writing helped me figure out what I was feeling... even on the days when I hated it. And some days I really hated it. Well, it's been a month since the Project finished and I need the writing again. It keeps me focused on the day to day. No big picture stuff... well sometimes... but mostly the daily epiphanies that accumulate into something larger.
Break's over.
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